I think I suffered from can only be described as pregnancy amnesia.
So many women I talk to say that there is such a thing as birth amnesia. You forget within hours the struggle and pain that birthing your child caused and before long, you’re ready to do it again. I’ve never struggled with remembering the discomfort or overwhelming sensations that, at times, were almost drowning. The back labor? Yeah, those memories aren’t fading anytime soon. What makes me particularly crazy in so many minds is that I love giving birth.
Let me state that again.
I love giving birth.
Despite the constant, never ending back pain of labor, pushing for hours, waiting through a contraction while my midwife stretched things out so I didn’t tear… The sense of laboring, bringing my child down and out into this world was incredible. I felt like a mother goddess, if you will. The sense of power, strength, love, and overwhelming accomplishment is almost intoxicating.
I can’t wait to do it again!
Pregnancy, on the other hand, is the bane of my existence. In labor, the discomfort and pain has a purpose and will be over within a relatively short amount of time. Pregnancy pain drags on and on and on, preventing me from sleeping, walking, driving a car, and fulfilling my urgent need to nest.
The hot flashes, extreme sense of smell, sensitive stomach, weird inability to eat if it the options don’t appeal 100%, insomnia and a billion other things COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND when Aaron and I were discussing having another child. All I could think about was how awesome it will be to give birth and have another soul in our care to tend to.
In my worst moments, as I’m laying on the couch crying, I wonder what on earth we were thinking to have me get pregnant. Oh, that’s right. WE WEREN’T THINKING. I remember looking through past journal entries while we were discussing additional children last fall and thinking, “Oh, it really wasn’t that bad. That’s hormones talking.”
Note to future self: It is NOT simply hormones talking. It really is that hard!
But you know what? It’s worth it. Totally and completely 100% worth it. My pregnancy experiences make me treasure my children all the more for having worked so hard for them.