This is a train of thought that has been running through my head for a couple of days now. I’m feeling the need to express it but not sure if this truly portrays the extent of my thought process. Maybe I’ll expand upon it at a later date.
Everything changes, right? People grow older, weather never stays the same, traffic lights switch regularly (thank god!). As a general rule, I just roll with the punches. Spontaneity is great, moving the furniture around is fine by me, and when major life changes need to take place, I’m okay with coming to a concise decision and moving forward. When it comes to changes in a relationship, though, I’m not so easy going.
Perceived positive changes, happy changes, are just fine. More than fine, actually. It’s the sad changes, the distancing, the loss, the moving on, that is such a struggle for me. I understand that relationships are often finite. They have a beginning and an end, in most circumstances. It’s when they end on a sad or sour note that makes the people pleaser in me beg with the logical me to try and make everything right and okay before moving on.
I’ve had three or four relationships end on sad notes. Emotionally trying notes. In the end, I become such an emotionally entangled mess by trying to “fix” everything that it’s even worse (for me) than when the ending began. What I think it boils down to is lack of personal boundaries. How far am I willing to go? At what point does it become the other person’s responsibility to step out and meet me where I am at? As I’ve gained more experience in the world of relationships, I’ve finally given myself permission to extend myself to a point and hold out my hand for the other person to grasp. If they come out and meet me, take my hand and work through things, our relationship is all that stronger. If they don’t, then I know that I have done everything I am capable of and it gives me the emotional freedom to let go.
Of course, it doesn’t make the letting go any easier but it does give me something to remind myself of during the grieving process of the lost relationship. To be honest, I’m thankful it doesn’t make things easier. I’m thankful I still am sad about the loss of that relationship in my life. It shows me that the boundaries are set correctly.