Circles

3 Jun

I feel like Aaron and I are going through a second honeymoon period. Like we’ve hit a valley in our relationship in between the mountains of work marriage takes. It’s really nice to miss him while he’s at work. Not just for the support of childrearing but for his company. For his conversation. For his presence as a friend. I’ve been needing and craving this point in our relationship — to know it’s possible and that it’s not just a theme for romance novels.

Something that I think has fueled this is that I have been drawing my circle ever closer to home. I’ve been trimming the drama from my real life. The negative energy, the emotion sucking situations. Things that pull me down. Not the situations where a bit of a pep talk and a hug will bring things around and then are a positive point in my life, rather the situations that just keep on sucking my positive emotions like a teenager slurping a slushy on a summer afternoon.

I’ve also been cutting down on my obligations outside the home. For a while there, we had something going on every single day of the week. It was wearing on all of us and causing Aaron and I to be rotating in different circles. Circles within the same household but they never intersected. It caused a lot of friction between us and resentment on my end because I was keeping the kids out of his hair but when I got home, he wasn’t happy to spend time with us after having childfree time. In the end, it was because we didn’t have the connection we needed. Once I slowed down and we reconnected, things got better.

I still don’t have my half hour of childfree time a day, but I’m less resentful of that because Aaron is helping out a lot more and much more supportive. He had just left to run an errand and Ella woke up prematurely from her nap, which was a small apocalypse and also woke Miles prematurely. I called to let him know that the world would be ending when he got home and he just turned around and came back to help me. A few weeks ago? That would have never happened.

Sometime in the future, my circle can expand out and encompass more of an outside life. But for now? It needs to be drawn close to home.

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