Lonely

15 Nov

I have found nothing more isolating than motherhood.

The long, all night hours leave me so exhausted the next day that I only have enough energy to exert to parenting my young children through the hours until nap and then bedtime. If night time goes well, I make up for the less than stellar days before and pour myself into activities and housework. To reconnect. To nourish the bond between mother and child.

On top of all that, I have the life long relationship with my husband to maintain, cultivate and encourage.

Even when I’m out with other friends who have children, my mind and heart are never 100% on my conversation. One earΒ  is always tuned into the play going on next to me or in the other room. More often than not, I’m redirecting than finishing a thought. These interruptions make it difficult to develop relationships in a timely (aka less than a year) manner. I have many many acquaintances and friends. Not so many I can call an intimate friend.

For a long time, this weighed heavily on my heart. I’ve been pondering this train of thought for weeks now and have finally come to this conclusion:

It is okay.

This is the time I need to be pouring myself into my children. I only get them for so long in life and am the only sole influence (or highest ranking influence?) for an even shorter amount of time. This is the time for casual, kindhearted relationships with other mothers in similar places of life to gain encouragement “that this too shall pass” or cheer in joined happiness over an accomplishment or breakthrough. But my most important interpersonal relationships, aside from that with my spouse, needs to be with my children. There will come a time when they are less dependent upon me and I will be free to be more of my own person. When that time comes, I will have these good acquaintances and kind friendships to develop into something more.

Being lonely now will only sweeten the deeper relationships I will gain later in life.

 

This post was written as part of The Sunday Creative prompt.

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11 Responses to “Lonely”

  1. justine November 15, 2010 at 8:17 am #

    gosh, what a heartfelt post, I know exactly what you mean and in time the rewards will be so great, I am not great at friendships and have always preferred time with my children over mindless coffee morning conversations. It sounds like you are a brilliant mum and it is ok to give everything to your children, it’s so good the conclusions you have come to, thanks so much for sharing such a wonderful post on lonely.

    • Dallas Ann November 15, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

      Thanks, Justine. πŸ™‚ I’ve been out of the loop for SCP and really feel that this was a great prompt to get back involved. It is a topic that is so close to my heart.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment!

  2. Jade @ Tasting Grace November 15, 2010 at 3:03 pm #

    Oh honey. I’m sorry you’re lonely. Even though I’m not a mom (yet!) I understand what you mean. As I’ve gotten older, the time it takes to maintain friendships ends up getting pushed to the sidelines as I focus on family first. My best friend is a mother of two (and works full time and goes to school). To say she is busy is an understatement. She also lives clear across the country from me. But it is only for each other that we make time to connect. She calls me when she is driving home from work. As soon as she pulls in the driveway at home, we say goodbye. But at least we have that 15-20 minutes together where we get the Cliff’s Notes version of each other’s lives. And that works for us. πŸ™‚ Hopefully you can find a way to connect with a special friend in a way that works for your family needs too.

    • Dallas Ann November 15, 2010 at 8:50 pm #

      I definitely do make time for friendships through alternative means of communication (phone, email, internet). I do have women who I can confide in and share with. πŸ™‚ Those do help fill the gap but it doesn’t quite meet my need of having a hug or calling to say, “Today has been horrible. Can I just come and sit on your couch?”

      Someday it’ll be better. πŸ™‚

  3. Cristi November 15, 2010 at 3:58 pm #

    I am past the bottles, diapers, toys and teen years, now they are my friends! Enjoy the time you are able to spend with your kids because it is so true “they will be grown before you know it!”

  4. Kristy November 15, 2010 at 8:21 pm #

    I know just what you mean. It’s very difficult to build and grow friendships as an adult. Thanks for the visit!

  5. Katie November 15, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

    You are awesome…. in many ways, as long as I have known you…

    I continue to be amazed by you in your vulnerable, sometimes struggling but whole-heartedly loving Mommy-ness. πŸ™‚

    That is all.

    πŸ™‚

    • Dallas Ann November 16, 2010 at 7:50 am #

      *hugs*

      You have always been such an encouragement, Katie. πŸ™‚

  6. lindalyell November 16, 2010 at 10:41 am #

    Hi. You don’t know me and we’ve only connected through the Sunday Creative…but I felt compelled to comment on your post. On my interpretation of the word “lonely” – I said I have been on both sides of lonely. And much of what you had described is what I experienced. I was once a young mom of three daughters in 4 years and yes, I was exhausted and lonely. I then became a single mom for 12 years – lonely again for other reasons. Now I’m happily remarried but an empty nester and miss my babies who are out of state – lonely again. Embrace your life and the loneliness that the different chapters of your life will bring. It’s an ever-changing kaleidoscope. Sending hugs.

  7. Julie November 16, 2010 at 11:20 am #

    This is the part of motherhood that I’m afraid of– the “every day is like one long neverending day” of sleep deprivation and loneliness. I’m buffered by the amount of family I have nearby, but I know that at 3am on day five of a growth-spurting infant sleeping in 20min bursts only, it’ll feel like we’re the only two people in the world. And I’ll be emailing you. lol. <333

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