I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts, my emotions, my actions.
My children always chatter, shout, laugh and cry. It’s their nature and I recognize that, it’s just terribly frustrating. But I love them. Dearly. My heart aches with my emotions. My head is full of fragmented ideas, concepts, and thoughts that don’t ever connect because of the childhood that surrounds me.
I put off my own healing, my emotions, my journey because there is a never ending stream of needs that demand my attention. Laundry, food (never ending food), child rearing, listening to Aaron, being his friend and spouse. I have actually caught myself thinking, “That will have to wait.”
That’s not healthy.
At night, when I do have some quiet and solitude, I’m too exhausted from the day’s activities to focus on myself. Instead, I knit, drink tea and watch television via Netflix. Tonight, after a long and busy day, I hardly had the energy to knit. Facing me is brimming full week of basic home things, not even extra adventures. Tonight, I find that prospect daunting and even more exhausting.
I have ideas on how to change this but I don’t know if they will be effective. While I don’t believe this will last forever, I also feel like the stage of life versus life patterns is a fine, blurry line.
That being said, step one to a successful day is getting to bed on time. I’ve been trying to write this all evening, but Ella having bad dreams so I’ve been interrupted often.