Always Interrupted

2 May

I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts, my emotions, my actions.

My children always chatter, shout, laugh and cry. It’s their nature and I recognize that, it’s just terribly frustrating. But I love them. Dearly. My heart aches with my emotions. My head is full of fragmented ideas, concepts, and thoughts that don’t ever connect because of the childhood that surrounds me.

I put off my own healing, my emotions, my journey because there is a never ending stream of needs that demand my attention. Laundry, food (never ending food), child rearing, listening to Aaron, being his friend and spouse. I have actually caught myself thinking, “That will have to wait.”

That’s not healthy.

At night, when I do have some quiet and solitude, I’m too exhausted from the day’s activities to focus on myself. Instead, I knit, drink tea and watch television via Netflix. Tonight, after a long and busy day, I hardly had the energy to knit. Facing me is brimming full week of basic home things, not even extra adventures. Tonight, I find that prospect daunting and even more exhausting.

I have ideas on how to change this but I don’t know if they will be effective. While I don’t believe this will last forever, I also feel like the stage of life versus life patterns is a fine, blurry line.

That being said, step one to a successful day is getting to bed on time. I’ve been trying to write this all evening, but Ella having bad dreams so I’ve been interrupted often.


One Response to “Always Interrupted”

  1. Beka May 2, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    I love you :-). I so understand. I was ALREADY easily distracted BEFORE I had kids; being a mom just put the final nail in THAT coffin. *HUGS*

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