Lonely

I have found nothing more isolating than motherhood.

The long, all night hours leave me so exhausted the next day that I only have enough energy to exert to parenting my young children through the hours until nap and then bedtime. If night time goes well, I make up for the less than stellar days before and pour myself into activities and housework. To reconnect. To nourish the bond between mother and child.

On top of all that, I have the life long relationship with my husband to maintain, cultivate and encourage.

Even when I’m out with other friends who have children, my mind and heart are never 100% on my conversation. One ear  is always tuned into the play going on next to me or in the other room. More often than not, I’m redirecting than finishing a thought. These interruptions make it difficult to develop relationships in a timely (aka less than a year) manner. I have many many acquaintances and friends. Not so many I can call an intimate friend.

For a long time, this weighed heavily on my heart. I’ve been pondering this train of thought for weeks now and have finally come to this conclusion:

It is okay.

This is the time I need to be pouring myself into my children. I only get them for so long in life and am the only sole influence (or highest ranking influence?) for an even shorter amount of time. This is the time for casual, kindhearted relationships with other mothers in similar places of life to gain encouragement “that this too shall pass” or cheer in joined happiness over an accomplishment or breakthrough. But my most important interpersonal relationships, aside from that with my spouse, needs to be with my children. There will come a time when they are less dependent upon me and I will be free to be more of my own person. When that time comes, I will have these good acquaintances and kind friendships to develop into something more.

Being lonely now will only sweeten the deeper relationships I will gain later in life.

 

This post was written as part of The Sunday Creative prompt.

The Sunday Creative

Taken by Amanda e. Photography. Miles, only minutes old

There is something about a new life that shouts old. Wise beyond their years. Something lingering that is not of this world. There is a knowledge behind their eyes, emanating from their souls that makes a person wish it could be tapped to share with the populace. Maybe, if just one tiny sliver could be taken to heart by all, the world would be a better place.

Within days (sometimes even hours), the knowledge a baby holds is lost and it is replaced with fresh newness. They are now solidly of this world.

Inspired by The Sunday Creative’s prompt of “Ethereal”.

Raw

Raw. Formally alive but not cooked. A strange state of flux. Images of slippery, potentially slimy products sliding down my throat always kept me away.

Until tonight.

With apprehension, I sat down. Closing my eyes, I checked off God-only-knew what and waited for my plate to arrive.

A crisp white plate slid in front of me and I eyed my food with skepticism. I took a deep breath and took a bite. I chewed slowly, tasting in the intricate flavors melding in my mouth. There was no slipperiness, no slime, no sliding. My mind was blown, a bit. How could I have let my prejudiced and misconceptions about sushi keep me away?

via The Sunday Creative prompt “raw”