Weaning: It Happened

Around this time last year, I wrote about Ella UNweaning. This past year of tandem nursing (breastfeeding 2 children) has had it’s ups and downs. Ella had worked down to just having milk after breakfast each morning and if I’m being honest here, I was ready to be done. SO ready.

I tried simply redirecting, and distraction to no avail. It finally dawned on me that in all other areas of her life, Ella thrives on clear boundaries with obvious beginnings and endings. Trying to get her to “forget” about nursing every morning was laughable, especially with  her little brother enjoying milk right in front of her.

So I threw her a weaning party.

The day before, we discussed what kind of cake she wanted and how to decorate it. We baked it, licked the batter bowl together, and she directed me with grandiose gestures how to adore her cake.

The next morning, at 6:30, we gathered around the kitchen table and sang “Happy Weaning Day To You” while she and I blew out the candles. Ella thoroughly enjoyed her cake for breakfast while I ate my slice with nostalgia and dashed with a few tears.

Since then, she’s only asked for milk once and that was with a giggling, silly face.

My little girl nursed for 37 months and from one stage to the next at her own pace.

Her chocolate cake with strawberries and blueberries and sprinkles and strawberries in the middle. Just how she likes it.

3rd Birthday Letter

 
Ella, in her self designed birthday dress. of yellow, green, stripes, pockets and number threes

Dear Ella,

Today you turn three! You’re running around, insisting you’re one so that you and brother can match. Then a little grin creeps across your face and you say that you were “just being silly”.

You are fiercely independent yet still rely so heavily on Daddy and I, for which we are both so grateful. Running ahead down the sidewalk on walks, yet stopping to look for us and wait when you come to a corner. Every item on your body must be approved by you but you are content to pick from the choices I offer. The only thing you won’t be swayed from are the names you pick for your babies. The most recent additions to your menagerie are Glinda and Sushi, both teddy bears. What makes me chuckle is how appropriate Sushi’s name is –he’s a panda bear!

The transition you’ve made from toddler to preschooler has been one so gradual, I didn’t notice until yesterday as we were taking pictures of your birthday dress. Only the last vestiges of babyness remain in your face. Your body is long, lanky and knobby. Three quarters of the big couch are taken up when you lay out full length. There is less falling and more twirling.

I hope you keep on twirling. Twirl through your entire life, always seeing the sunny side of things with a smile on your face. Your optimism as a three year old will carry you far through hard grown up times down the road and  I am going to do everything possible to help you maintain this outlook on life.

So much love, my birthday girl.

Mama

Bigger Picture Moment: Food Struggles

I can’t keep up with her. Her changing tastes, opinions, and dislikes. One day, carrot soup is the tastiest thing ever and then next she hardly manages to choke a bite down without gagging. Lunch the previous day had been peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with pickles on the side and today? It was scorned and Ella declared she wanted her belly to grumble because the food was icky.

It’s been a frustrating couple of months, trying to find the balance between not being a short order cook and finding food she would eat. Because the idea that she wouldn’t starve herself is not true. She’s rather go all day without eating (and having behavior issues due to hunger and blood sugar) than eat something she didn’t like. We’ve been able to implement the rule of taking one polite of everything on her plate and then after that, she can have a peanut butter sandwich. Even with this successfully in place, with Aaron modeling it by taking bites of peaches and cucumber without making faces, I felt like I was missing the whole point. Why was she acting this way? Yes, it is age appropriate but how can I help her overcome this? Forcing her to take a single bite of food wasn’t going to change anything in the long run.

Finally, I clued into the idea of having her help prepare the food. She’s almost three and can follow direction well with close supervision. So one night last week, I handed her a butter knife and peach slices for her to chop up. She helped me dip chicken into an egg wash and roll them in bread crumbs. After picking out which bundle of broccoli to cook, she washed it in the sink for me. Her all time favorite part was dumping in butter and seasonings into the mixer while the mashed potatoes were being whipped up.

With a flourish (yes, my not yet three year old flourishes), she presented her full plate of food to Aaron. “See, Daddy? See!” she exclaimed with excitement and nearly knocked her plate over with frantic waving. The pride of accomplishment was clear on her face and while she didn’t eat a lot, it was without a battle and she tasted everything with exclamations of delight.

I don’t have the ability to have her help me with every dinner every night since this revelation, but I do strive to include her in ways that she can help. Putting carrot slices on everyone’s plates, washing produce, and pouring dry rice into a pot are all ways that she’s participated in food preparation.

Finding the bigger picture was vital to this solution and I hope it continues to grow as she grows. Right now, food preparation is helping her expand her taste palette and creating a more peaceful meal time. In the future, I hope this will foster a love of cooking and preparing food. A person has to eat and if you can enjoy preparing the food you eat, it makes food prep so much easier.

Find more stories about finding the bigger picture over at Sarah’s today.

Thursday Thoughts

There have been moments where I’ve questioned our choice to sleep with our children in our bed. To be completely frank, it’s hard. This set up has been the only way we’ve stayed sane with Ella’s sleep struggles. It has allowed us to meet her needs without having to get out of bed, which provides a small hope that we would be able to go back to sleep quickly. I’ve always been a bit jealous of friends who talk about how wonderful cosleeping is and how it encourages their family bond with night time snuggles and early morning giggles. For us, bedsharing was out of necessity and desperation, not happiness.

Then a couple weeks ago, something changed. I woke up with a strange feeling, something I struggled to identify. Finally, I pinned it down. I felt rested! Refreshed! I was actually ready to get out of bed instead of fighting sleep as I tried to roll out!

Then I realized everyone else was still sleeping. Did you read that? Everyone else was still sleeping. At 7:00 AM. Miles, Aaron, and Ella were still fast asleep. Even though I had to desperately use the bathroom, I refused to get up and run the risk of waking someone. So I laid there, luxuriating in the fact that I was the only one awake. At 8:00 AM, Miles opened his eyes with a smile and promptly sat up. His giggles woke Ella, who kissed Aaron to wake him up. We all talked and laughed together for a good ten minutes until someone’s limb ended up in my bladder and I had to break the spell to make a dash for the bathroom.

I got my wish. By following our instincts and meeting Ella’s needs, we got to celebrate as a family the huge milestone of sleeping past 5am. I am so incredibly thankful it happened this way. It’s a moment that I hope never to forget.

Taking The Time

Sometimes, it’s hard for me to remember to take the time to individually connect with Ella. Miles isn’t a problem because, well, he’s a baby and in a baby carrier or nursing a good portion of the day. Aaron and I have time after the kids are asleep. But Ella? It seems to be slipping through the cracks lately.

I didn’t even realize this until the other day. She grabbed my hand and practically dragged me into the bathroom. She closed the door, locked it, climbed up on the back of the toilet to sit and told me to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Then, she proceeded to talk my ear off about all sorts of random subjects.

At first, I thought it was cute. But as the minutes wore on, I became increasingly frustrated and mentally fidgety. What she was telling me wasn’t terribly interesting. I had things to do! Then I took a good look at her face as she chattered away and realized she was glowing.

And suddenly, a knife in my heart twisted.

She needed this. This one on one time and connection with me. My baby girl was becoming a little girl and needed a different sort of attention from me. THIS is what I want when she’s an older girl in school. This emotional connection and easy freedom of shared thoughts and emotions. Even though what she is sharing with me at this time in her life I already know, I need to foster this practice NOW if I want her to do this in the future.

So I stopped fidgeting. I mentally put away the dishes and laundry behind a closed door for later. I focused my energy on her animated face, her words, and the emotions behind her structurally incorrect sentences. Within moments, Ella had talked herself out. She climbed down off the back of the toilet, hugged me and said, “Lets go get Brother, Mama. I’m sure he misses us”.

We unlocked the door and left holding hands.

The Days And Years

Some days seem they will never, ever end. Days like yesterday.

And then I realize that a day is just a day. A 24 hour period that will pass. They always do. It’s the years that fly by and bright moments need to be found in every day. Regret is not something I want to live with after the years have flown.

Fairytales and Daydreams

Ella woke up to the surprise of a castle appearing in her backyard this morning. Her jaw literally dropped and her lips formed a perfect “o”. With a gasp of delight, she raced across the grass in her pajamas and scampered up into the tower.

I heard all sorts of things coming from behind the castle walls this morning. Giggles, full blown laughter, and stories. At one point I heard her say, “It’s not a scary dragon! It’s just a poor lonely lizard. Let’s be friends!”

Dreams start early. Imaginary play has become her best friend. I love listening to her talk to the friends I can’t see. I hope her childhood memories are filled with poor lonely lizards, castles, fairies, and adventures. It’s those sorts of things that inspire your future endeavors.

The Beginning of Validation

I have felt in my gut for over a year that Ella has sleep issues beyond that of a typical toddler. Severe sleep resistance, no tired signals until she was melting down, not being able to sleep more than twenty minutes at a time… I have a HUGE list of all her struggles, what we have done to try and help, what has failed, and what sort of works.

Today, I spoke with her pediatrician at length about what we have been doing. This was a follow up appointment to her 2 year check up where I brought up the issues (again) and a phone call following the check up. At this point, we had done EVERYTHING he had suggested in addition to our own research. He had one final suggestion and has asked us to give it two weeks. If things don’t get drastically better by the end of those 14 days, he is going to refer us to specialists at a pediatric hospital in Chicago for a consult and sleep study.

What makes me smile is that his suggestion was to bring her back to our bedroom and have a good old fashioned family bed. We’re going to get an extra full size bed from a friend and set it up next to our king size bed so that there is enough room for the bed hogging toddler, a nursing baby boy, c-pap using husband, and cover hogging mama. I really like cosleeping and am glad to have Aaron’s support in bringing Ella back to bed with everyone. She has been sleeping in her own room with Aaron for months now. He was kind of resistant to the idea at first (I suggested it a few months ago) but is now supportive since our pediatrician encouraged us. And Aaron agrees that it’s certainly less stressful to reestablish full family bed sharing than to drive for hours to Chicago and stay overnight in a strange hospital to run tests.

This is such an emotional relief for me. I have felt so lost, so unsure, so doubtful. I’ve known in my heart that something is NOT RIGHT. I’ve been in tears from frustration over her lack of sleep, my lack of sleep and all the fall out from the sleep deprivation. Having a medical professional confirm my thoughts, validate my concerns and SEE where my thought process is going. I feel like I have a whole new outlook now that there is a PLAN.

Even if the family bed sharing doesn’t pan out and the specialists in Chicago say, “So sorry but she’s just at the end of the curve that sucks”, I’ll have much more peace about the whole thing. I will know, without a doubt, that I have done EVERYTHING in my power to  help her.

Well, everything short of benadryl every night. The only night she’s slept all the way through was when she had benadryl for an allergic reaction.

So yes. This is where we are at. We would appreciate prayers as we work through yet another transition.

Unweaning: It Happens

On March 14th of this year, Ella nursed for what I thought was the last time. During that moment, I had no idea that she would be completely weaned afterwords. She simply never insisted on nursing again and accepted the alternatives I offered (like snuggling). When I realized what had happened, it was a very bitter sweet moment. As much as it was a sweet bonding experience, I was glad she  weaned on her own (due to lack of supply during pregnancy).

The last time we nursed, March 2009

Fast forward to about a week after Miles was born. She began to express interest in nursing and asking to “share nummies with baby”. I wasn’t really interested in nursing two children (who were different ages) but the last thing I wanted to do was create jealously over something as basic as nursing. So I agreed to let her nurse with Miles. The huge grin that broke across her face was amazing and the tender way she stroked his head while they nursed together affirmed my thought that unweaning would help ease the transition of having a sibling.

The road of tandem nursing hasn’t been always paved with golden bricks, though. I have very defined boundaries for Ella as to when she can or cannot nurse. It’s been a hard transition for her to know that Miles can have milk whenever he wants but she can’t. It’s hard for me to stand strong and stick to the boundaries but things get so much more stressful if I let her have free reign. It’s always so interesting to see how she thrives in an environment of age appropriate boundaries. But that’s another post for another day.

I honestly believe that rolling with the concept of unweaning cut down on a lot of potential sibling rivalry. When they both nurse together, Miles has been hardly able to contain his giggles while Ella rubs his head. Other times, she simply holds his hand or just looks at him while they “share nummies”. I feel this is aiding their sibling bonding. I also feel that when Ella nurses solo, it helps reaffirm that she is just as special and loved as Miles.

Two Years

This letter will be going in her special box, where I put little things like her yearly letters and hair from her first hair cut.

Dear Ella,

It simply amazes me that you are two years old today. I felt this way on your first birthday and I’m sure I’ll feel like this on your third. Even though some days in toddlerhood seem to drag on forever, when it’s all said and done the days are literally gone in a blink of an eye.

A few weeks before your birthday, you suddenly started identifying colors. Out of nowhere, you pointed to our house numbers and correctly named them all. Your four word sentences are giving me a run for my money.

The things you love: Elmo, playing outside, Blues Clues, bumble bees, The Wiggles, sweeping, washing dishes, going on walks, rough housing with Daddy, juice, loving on your baby brother Miles.

You imitate everything your Daddy and I do. You fold your clothes with your teeth like Daddy does. You mimic my soothing techniques I use with your brother when you tend to your Baby Emily. I think in just a few short weeks, you’re going to decide that you are DONE with the high chair because you want to sit in a big girl chair like Mama and Daddy.

You have a very nurturing and sensitive heart. When a baby cries in the grocery store, you immediately want to run to the baby and take care of it. Sometimes, if the baby keeps on crying, it’s all I can do to convince you the mama is taking care of her baby.

Once you form an opinion, you are hard to budge. I nearly died inside the day at the park where you informed a friend of mine that daddies are suppose to use bottles, not mamas. You were never told that mamas couldn’t use bottles! Daddy just explained to you how daddies feed their babies the night before and you formed your own conclusions.

This past year has brought so much change to your life. You are now climbing, shouting, talking, singing, dancing, counting, and coloring. You have a new little brother as well! The adjustment to a sibling has gone so peacefully. I’m so incredibly proud of you!

With love,

Mama