Archive | June, 2009

A New Perspective

29 Jun

Friday brought quite the scare.

I won’t go into all the gory details, but I was showing signs of preterm labor. At 32 weeks and 6 days, it was just too soon for Miles to decide to make an appearance! After some frantic searching, a couple friends offered to come to the house to tag team watching Ella (who was napping) while I went to my appointment. Thankfully, things calmed down and Miles is staying safely inside until it is truly time for his birth.

I realized what an amazing community of friends and support network I have in our town. How many people can say that within 3 minutes of posting on the local community message board, that a mom with 2 young children dropped everything and came to my house? Or that this same mom cooked me and my family dinner? Or that another friend who lives 5 minutes away dropped everything and drove over to stay with Ella until the other mom go here so that I could leave ASAP? Or that this friend’s husband followed behind in his car and offered to drive me, who he had never met?

Another change of perspective I received was regarding what really matters. So many things fight to pull me in all directions at the same time. Often, it’s hard to stay grounded in what really matters and give my full attention, physical and emotional, to my family. During pregnancy I often narrow my focus and shed the unnecessary. I thought this had already happened but the evens of Friday and things that followed this weekend drove home that I need even more honing to my focus. This honing began yesterday when I finally clued in and I already see such a difference in today.

Not being pulled and tugged physically or emotionally in 35 million directions allowed me to spend a few hours this early morning, fret free, with my daughter at her favorite park. I completely overdid it but it was really a beautiful time we wouldn’t have experienced without having gained my new perspective this weekend.

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No regrets

25 Jun

The other day, I realized I have no regrets. Yes, I do feel bad that I have had a lapse of emotional control and yelled at Ella. I do feel bad that I have spanked her once or twice. But I realize that I am only human and have forgiven myself and asked Ella for forgiveness as well. She might not understand the words, but she certainly comprehends the emotions behind my words.

I don’t regret spending hours upon hours sitting on the couch while she cluster nursed for days on end, even though I was so fed up and ready just to throw in the towel.

I don’t regret being a few minutes late for church because it was so important for her to find her Little Baby to ride in the car with us. If anything, I learned that we need to get going earlier to allow for her needs.

I don’t regret holding nonstop conversation with her in the grocery store, even though I look the fool, to keep her involved in the situation and avoid a melt down.

I don’t regret being dairy free while nursing and preparing dairy free food and removing oranges from our diet (all things I love!) because I know that in 18 years or so, she’ll be out of the house and I’ll have the rest of my life to enjoy those things. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I’ve been in tears in the grocery store aisle but it is all temporary and this too shall pass.

I don’t regret having to lock myself in the bathroom for 2 minutes while she pounds on the other side just so I can get a breath and shed a tear or two before composing myself and deal with her being SUCH a toddler.

I don’t regret the emotional exhaustion I come to from finding new ways to deal with her toddler nature, to help her learn appropriate ways to express emotions and live within home boundaries/rules without squelching her personality.

I don’t regret leaving her with my husband or friends for a few hours to get out of the house childfree (well, as child free as a pregnant woman can be) to refresh and replenish my emotional and mental well being.

THIS is what I need to remember when I’m struggling. 12 years from now, I will NOT regret spending this time and energy in raising my child. I am doing the right thing, even though I am a flawed human and will make mistakes. As long as I admit them, make the appropriate repairs, and learn, they won’t be regrets.

Wordless Wednesday

24 Jun

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Ooops!

23 Jun

Wow, it’s been a while. You know it’s been a while in between posts when your own MOTHER comments on it while you’re talking to her on the phone. What can I say? It’s been busy busy these past days. What I can do is offer pictures and a video as peace offerings!

This past weekend, we went to the pool for the first time this season. Ella had a BLAST! She didn’t care one bit for the kiddie pool but loved, loved, LOVED the regular pool! By the time we left, Aaron decided that next time I can take pictures and he’ll get in the pool since she and I had so much fun! That made me happy since he didn’t want to go in the first place. 🙂

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And for some reason, I can’t embed the video I uploaded to flickr… strange. Well, you can click here and view the 30 second clip of swimming time!

A few other thoughts before I have to wander off to make dinner…

With a 103 degree heat index high today, I’ve made the executive decision to have BLT sandwiches, homemade potato salad and watermelon for dinner tonight. I was encouraged to see those who commented on last Monday’s post about summer food and am going to give sandwiches a try. Let’s hope it doesn’t backfire on me!

And do you remember this Wordless Wednesday post about Elmo, aka the furry red creature of my nightmares? Well, that VERY DAY I posted the Wordless Wednesday picture we were gifted our very first Elmo dvd. The universe hates me, I swear. I don’t think Ella would have even known that it could go in the dvd player but the woman who gave it to her explained that it was for the TV and that she could watch it when she got home!!! So now we watch Elmo every day after nap. Thankfully it’s only 20 minutes long.

Photo tag

18 Jun

The lovely and marvelous Mrs. Soup tagged me for this photo meme!

These are the rules:

~ Open my first photo folder
~ Scroll down to the 10th photo
~ Post that photo and story on my blog
~ Tag five friends to do the same

The first photo folder on my computer only has 3 pictures in it, so I went to the next one. To my horror, this is what came up as the 10th picture:

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This was taken late last October, when Ella discovered that pants can not only go on your legs but on your head too! Of course, she insisted I partake in this fashion. I had taken pictures of her with pants on her head, so there was no way I was getting out of not having my picture taken as well.

I think I look rather fierce.

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At this point, I’m suppose to tag 5 friends to do the same but I don’t know five friends who have blogs and read mine! So consider yourself tagged and please post a comment with a link to your pictures. I want to see!

Wordless Wednesday

17 Jun

Saturday Morning Tradition

Saturday morning tradition: Daddy and Ella watching Elmo clips from Sesame Street online while I’m at work. I could never figure out how she figured out who Elmo was (we don’t have TV reception) until the beans were spilled this weekend!

Meal Chatter Monday

15 Jun

Summer is upon us in the midwest. The humidity is bordering on stifling (Yes, I know. Just wait until August) and the heat is making my ankles swell. The last thing I want to do is turn on the oven and turn out a home cooked meal but if I want any hope of sticking to my weekly meal budget, I have no choice.

I had grand plans of making this recipe (we prefer it without thyme) in the crock pot but I fell asleep while putting Ella down for her nap and when we woke up, it would never be done in time if I tried to crock pot it. I was stumped. The last thing I wanted to do was turn the oven on and bake the casserole in addition to the corn bread but I had no choice. Taco Bell wasn’t on the menu plan!

So I decided to shred the carrots to help them cook faster and put everything into my largest pot to have it simmer on very very low heat for about 45 minutes. When that was finished, I fried up the cornbread like pancakes to avoid the oven. I wasn’t sure how the cornbread cakes would turn out but they plumped up nicely! It didn’t matter that they weren’t muffins or cut into squares since we top it with the beans. Actually, I think I like it better this way!

How do you try to beat the summer heat while cooking?

Blessings

12 Jun

I was going to make a post today about Aaron and his reaction to finding out we’re expecting a boy. I was going to post pictures of the adorable little outfits Aaron picked out for Miles to come home in and first church service.

Until I tried to use my camera today.

Not only was the camera only focusing on the upper left hand corners of every picture, leaving the rest of the image blurry beyond recognition, but it developed a lens error. Evidently, that’s the technical term for when your point and shoot camera lens gets stuck half way between opening and closing. To repair this problem, it would cost as much as it would to get a new camera. Either way, we were STUCK because we can’t afford a new camera at this time.

No camera. Family summer outings on the horizon, maternity progression pictures needing to be taken, a NEW BABY to be born soon! All of these events require a camera. I was panicking. Panicking so much that I actually called Aaron at work!

He was very understanding and patient with me, listened to what was going on and the prices of the lowest end cameras that wouldn’t die on us in less than six months and put up to the abuse a diaper bag can inflict. We both knew we couldn’t afford them, but he was humoring me, listening, and looking at links I had emailed him.

Then Aaron came upon a solution.

Our personal bank has a points reward system where you get two points for every dollar that is spent by automatic or online bill pay. Since we have all our bills set up to be paid online or be pulled automatically, we have acquired quite the stockpile of reward points and we had enough to get a digital point and shoot camera! Even though it’s on the low end of quality, it still should last us quite some time or at least until we can afford to step up in camera quality. Besides, it was FREE.

The soonest it will be here is July 1st. I was feeling rather melancholy about missing all those weeks of pictures, so I posted to my local mom group message board about what happened, asking if anyone had a spare point and shoot they could lend me until our new one came in.

Lo and behold, someone did.

It’s the little things in life like this that never cease to amaze and remind me that we are well cared for. Blessings abound.

Wordless Wednesday

10 Jun

Well, almost wordless. Chocolate obsessed toddler + mommy not realizing how tall said toddler is + fresh cupcakes = FAIL

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Living With Food Allergies

9 Jun

When Ella was about 6 weeks old, I began to suspect something was wrong. Her dirty diapers looked weird, she was projectile vomiting yet didn’t seem in pain from acid reflux, and had really horrible bouts with gas. After further research, I began to wonder if she had a dairy intolerance or outright allergy. It was really really hard, but I cut out all sources of dairy out of my diet. Not just the obvious things like milk, cheese, yogurt, and icecream but also things that had “hidden dairy” like crackers, bread, and weird things like Walmart’s brand of chicken broth that had dairy products as an ingredient.

That was so hard. It was probably one of the biggest sacrifices I made as a new mom. Not only was my self identity rapidly changing and sleep gone, but I had to rewire my entire thinking about meal planning, snacks, and grocery shopping. I distinctly remember standing in a grocery store aisle with tears running down my face because my favorite crackers had dairy in them.

Before we go much further, let me assure you that my daughter is not lactose intolerant. Leslie, on her blog, explains things much better than I could.

After being completely dairy free for six weeks, I finally began to see resolution in Ella’s digestive issues. Another side effect of going dairy free is that I discovered she slept better, too! Looking back, I realize that is because I would drink a glass of milk at dinner time and have some sort of dairy product (apples and cheese, icecream, what have you) as an after dinner snack or treat. The dairy protein would work its way into my breast milk just about the time I would be wanting to go to bed. Ella would nurse and then 15 to 20 minutes later, be up fussing, spitting up, and generally upset.

When she was about 9 months old and getting started on solid food, I began to experiment with reintroducing dairy to my diet. To my amazement and glee, I discovered that I could use butter and I could consume baked goods that had milk in them, like crackers. Items like custard filled donuts or danishes with baked cream cheese were still out, though.

I also experienced first hand the concept of the “bucket effect”. This is the idea that a body can handle a set amount of allergens before it shows a reaction because the allergy bucket is full to overflowing. As she grew into an incredibly active toddler and began to nurse less, I found that I could enjoy a small serving of pasta with Parmesan cheese or a slice of pizza about once a week. This kept my dairy cravings at bay while not upsetting her dairy bucket.

The hardest thing, by far, was readjusting my view of food and how to meal plan. I’d say that 90% of our meals had some form of dairy in it. From Italian bread crumbs (Parmesan cheese), to a milk/cream based soup, it was quite the challenge. Toss in there a husband who is rather particular about what he will or will not eat, I felt like climbing Mount Everest would be an easier trek.

I was really excited to discover that all recipes offers a search function that only brings up dairy free recipes! That really got my imagination started as to what we could actually eat without depriving ourselves down to plain rice, steamed veggies, and unseasoned meat. Today, I have quite the collection of dairy free dishes in my recipe binder that are toddler and husband approved! It meal planning much simpler now.

Still, I make mistakes. A few months ago, I decided to do something REALLY stupid. I made cheesy potatoes and ham and let her have some. Thirty minutes later,  she broke out in a full body rash with hives. That was one miserable night. Even though the benadryl allowed her to sleep and cleared up the hives, her rash lingered for at least two weeks. Her pediatrician referred us to an allergy specialist to have testing done to confirm her dairy allergy/intolerance and to double check that she doesn’t have any other food allergies, like I do to avocados and bananas.

I imagine things will get harder as Ella becomes older and goes over to friends houses during a meal time. We’ll just have to be villigant in explaining to her what she can or cannot eat. Even now, when we’re hanging out with friends during a snack time, I can tell her that what her friend is eating will give her owies in her tummy and she won’t eat it! It gives me hope that if we simply make this a part of our life,  she’ll be able to adapt life situations to fit her needs.